


you are the only one

by EscapingReality51



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-11-02 07:31:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10939860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EscapingReality51/pseuds/EscapingReality51
Summary: Fake Dating AU sequel. Robert decides to ask Aaron to move their relationship to the next level, but past insecurities come back to trouble him.





	you are the only one

Six months.

Almost six months had passed since their relationship began; since Robert had seen sense and realised that the most important person in his life was also the love of his life, and that maybe he loved him too. It made him happy - happier than he ever thought he could be and he had relished every second they spent together. Especially the seconds where Aaron wore a suit.

Which he was doing right now - he was tugging at the sleeves, clearing his throat and checking his hair in the sun visor and Robert smiled at him sweetly as he looked over at his boyfriend.

 _Boyfriend._ That world held so much more weight than it had in any of his previous relationships. It had been an annoyance, something that restricted him, something that irked him, until he suddenly applied it to Aaron and his world fell into place. He knew now that the word carried with it a safety and comfort that made his day fundamentally better; being tied to anyone had always seemed an abhorrent concept but with Aaron he was finally happy.

They parked the car in front of the familiar hotel and the valet eyed Robert slightly as he handed him the keys. Aaron stepped out and Robert didn’t hesitate as he walked over, wrapping his arms around Aaron’s waist as Aaron stroked his forearm.

“Nervous?” he asked, his voice steady and his heart singing.

“A bit… I don’t know, last time this was all a lie and now I am actually your boyfriend, I feel like people will be looking at us weirdly…” Aaron said, tailing off as he bit his lip and shrugged. Robert couldn’t help smile at his use of the word, and pressed a gentle kiss to Aaron’s lips before speaking.

“My parents are there, and they love you. I can promise you to keep you close to me all night, and I may or may not have to drag you into the bathroom at some point because you are making me want to do sinful things to you…” Robert raised an eyebrow and Aaron grinned, his demeanour relaxing.

He nodded and Robert smiled, taking his hand and thanking the valet, before turning his attention back to his boyfriend and kissing him.

Robert tugged at his hand, pulling him into the hotel ball-room where Lawrence White’s business mixer was being held. Aaron hated the whole thing, the suit, the tie, the drinks, but in the end Robert had reminded him how much he would reward him later for his presence tonight and Aaron had relented. He was easily persuaded that way.

Their suits weren’t exactly matching, but they had picked for each other. Robert had picked a dark blue suit with a matching tie that made his mouth water and Aaron had picked his favourite, a maroon suit that he said made Robert almost fit. Robert had stood next to Aaron in front of the mirror in his bedroom and smiled at him; they looked good together, Robert’s tousled blond hair slightly unkempt, and Aaron’s soft curls and stubble beautifully styled. Aaron’s gorgeous face was a daily distraction, and since Aaron had kissed him at Vic’s party he could never understand how he had seen Aaron as anything other than the sexy man next to him.

They walked through to the ballroom, and each took a glass of champagne handed out by waiters at the door. Robert quickly saw his parents and directed Aaron towards them with a slight pull of his hand.

“You made it,” said Sarah. Her face lit up when she saw them walk over, hand in hand and Aaron wincing from his first sip of champagne..

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Aaron quipped and Robert shot him a grin.

“I know it’s not your type of party, love but you two do look great together!” Sarah added as Jack shook both their hands.

“Good to see you, son,” he said to Robert, and Robert saw only sincerity in his face.

“Good to see you too, Dad,” Robert said, smiling. Their family dinners had been frequent since Aaron started joining them, and Robert loved seeing how much his parents - both of them - took to him. Not that he was surprised, but he had always had his reservations about how his father would react to him having a relationship with a man. Turned out time had changed Jack Sugden somewhat, although Robert couldn’t help feel a pang that Jack seemed much more comfortable around Aaron than his own son.

As soon as Aaron had finished his champagne glass Robert gave him a peck on the cheek and took the glass out of his hands.

“I’ll bring you a beer, yeah? You too, Dad?”

Jack nodded and Robert stalked off to the bar, leaving his boyfriend in the care of his parents.

He leaned against the bar as his order was procured and looked back at them, relishing in the sight of Aaron so comfortable in their company; Aaron was grinning at Sarah who was probably telling some story about Robert as a child if Robert had a guess. Their eyes met as Sarah talked, and Robert couldn’t help the grin that spread across his lips; his boyfriend, Aaron Dingle, was smiling at him like an idiot, looking at him as if he were everything.

Both Jack and Aaron thanked him for the beers when he arrived back. He couldn’t help but press a kiss to Aaron’s temple as he put his arm around his waist and he saw Jack eye him as he did so, a small look of something on his face and he froze.

Robert still felt awkward with being so openly in a relationship with a man in front of his disapproving father. He had never managed to talk to him, and even though he seemed approving and smiling, Robert couldn’t forget the look on his face when, at the age of 15, he had been caught kissing a boy.

The conversation flowed easily between the party; Sarah and Aaron did most of the talking, with Robert interjecting occasionally, and Jack remaining silent until Lawrence came over and greeted them all. He shook hands all around, and Robert spotted Chrissie in the background - he was surprised to see Jack’s right hand man Andy on Chrissie’s arm, and while he looked besotted, she looked somewhat indifferent.

“How is business Robert?” Lawrence asked and Robert smiled at him, turning on the business charm.

“Good, yeah, I’ve started hiring more people to expand so I can help more farmers reach out to possible markets and shops. It’s going quite well,” Robert concluded.

“Good to see you again Aaron - I have to say, you are the first person Robert has brought to one of these twice.”

Robert blushed and Aaron nodded.

“Yeah, well I can’t seem to get rid of him, plus the beer’s quite good so I might as well drop by.”

“I’m glad to know my parties have played such an instrumental role in your relationship - I expect an invitation to your wedding!” Robert almost choked on his beer and felt Aaron freeze next to him while Lawrence laughed. “I’ll call you next week about a potential business proposition Robert.”

“Call anytime, I look forward to hearing from you,” Robert replied and Aaron squeezed his side in support.

“Glad you came with me,” he whispered into Aaron’s ear, “I don’t think Lawrence would have suggested that if you hadn’t charmed him first,” Robert joked and Aaron’s smile fell.

“You get here all on your own, Robert… I’m just here to support you.”

That side of Aaron, the supportive, kind, generous, caring side made Robert’s insides melt - he had no idea why Aaron had chosen him but every day he grew more grateful for it. Robert looked down at Aaron whose face was all sincerity, and his eyes darkened and flickered to Aaron’s lips; he looked around and saw Lawrence chatting to Jack and Sarah at the buffet. Good.

“D’you think we could slip away for five minutes?” he whispered and Aaron frowned.

“Why?”

“There’s something I need to talk to you about… in the bathroom… while on my knees.”

Aaron swallowed hard and Robert grinned.

To be entirely honest, Robert was surprised they had lasted 45 minutes before someone made the suggestion.

 

They went home earlier than last year and went back to Robert’s flat, it being much closer than Aaron’s. They ended up on the sofa, Robert resting his head on Aaron’s shoulder as they each sipped a glass of water.

There was a peace to moments like this with Aaron that Robert had never expected to feel; a calm with himself and Aaron and how he felt about him. He was never uncertain about whether this was the right choice for him - it inexplicably was, and he had never felt as happy as he had these past six months.

Aaron had an arm around his waist, his thumb trailing circles on Robert’s stomach and it made his skin tingle. Robert in turn had a hand in Aaron’s lap, just feeling the warmth and resting on the hard muscle of Aaron’s thigh.

“You’re almost thinking loud enough for me to hear at this point,” Aaron mumbled into Robert’s hairline and Robert let out an amused breath.

“I am not, just enjoying myself,” Robert retorted, shifting his head and pressing his lips to the top of Aaron’s shoulder.

“Come on and tell me,” Aaron insisted and he pressed a finger into Robert’s side.

“Oi, you, stop that!”

“Tell me then!” Aaron replied defiantly and Robert sat up to face him. Insecurities washed over him, his face falling as he looked at his boyfriend’s smiling face - neither of them were excellent at expressing themselves, and Robert still hadn’t gotten used to the vulnerability that came with bearing his heart. Aaron had always seen the best in him, and that, inevitably, was what spurred him to share.  

Aaron laced his finger with Robert’s while placed his water glass down and put his hand on Robert’s neck.

“I was just thinking that I’ve never felt this way before…” Robert began, swallowing hard. “All my previous relationships I’ve wanted to hide, or spend time with other people… or sleep with other people -” Aaron’s smile fell a bit at that, but Robert tried to give him a reassuring look. “I’m just saying that there’s no one else I want to be with.”

Aaron’s smile returned instantly, and he leant over to press a sweet kiss to Robert’s lips.

“Me neither,” he said, breath falling against Robert’s lips. His heart swelled, as it always did when Aaron kissed him softly, reverently, lovingly.

“Could be at mine more though,” Aaron joked and Robert feigned hurt.

“You what? You love it here.”

“Well,” Aaron dragged out the word until Robert rolled his eyes. “Bit impersonal, isn’t it?”

Robert looked around his living room; the steely grey sofa, the sparsely adorned black coffee table, the minimalist art on the walls, the dark wooden floors. It hadn’t changed much in the years he had lived here.

“This place is stylish, Aaron… you don’t want to know how much it cost.”

Aaron shook his head and Robert sighed.

“Nope, I definitely don’t,” he joked, a grin on his face. “I mean the kitchen cabinets don’t even have handles Robert!”

“It was the newest fashion when I bought this place…”

“Well, it’s a bit ridiculous as well,” Aaron retorted.

“What, and your place is much better?”

“At least it has personality!”

“The floorboards are creaky, your bedroom is freezing, and the kitchen is tiny.” Robert replied immediately and he felt Aaron chuckle against him.

“Right, we should go to bed before one of us says something they’ll regret.”

Robert placed a hand in Aaron’s curls and leant in to kiss him; a slow sweet kiss that quickly turned heated. Aaron nibbled at Robert’s lower lip and Robert let them part, their tongues meeting in a kiss, hot and wet and messy, a kiss that sent all the blood in Robert’s body straight to his cock.

Robert broke away for a second to let his hand reach down and grab Aaron’s tie, allowing him to pull him up and drag him to the bedroom. Aaron grinned as he did so, and Robert got to work removing Aaron’s clothes as soon as they entered - at least that way he could show him just how much it paid to have a big expensive bed.

  


“Vic?” Robert asked the following day as they had tea before her shift.

“Yeah?” she answered, eyeing him suspiciously. Her stomach now made her have to sit slightly further away from the table, her pregnancy becoming noticeable on her small frame. She was five months along; not enough to make her uncomfortable but enough to be visible, and the best thing was that she was glowing with it.

“What do you think…” he began, shifting slightly in his seat. He wasn’t sure how to ask, the words were hard for him to find.

“Out with it, I need to go to work in 10 minutes!” she joked, smiling at him.

“What do you think Aaron would say if I asked him to… move in with me?” Robert finished hesitantly, knuckles whitening around his cup.

She stared at him, wide eyed and open mouthed and Robert sighed.

“I knew it was a bad idea, he’d never say yes…” Robert started but was cut off by Vic making a small squeal.

“That would be amazing, Robert! I’m sure he’d say yes, you two practically live together already you see each other so much.”

“I know, but he was saying the other night that he hated my place, and his is barely habitable…”

“So,” she said, her voice lilting in that way that made Robert know he was being an idiot, “you can find somewhere new together! He must have saved up a bit from his work at Cain’s fancy garage, and you’ve got your own business.”

Robert ran a hand through his hair. That was what he was worried she would say.

“That’s such a big thing Vic… what if we break up, who gets the property?” he asked and she rolled his eyes at him.

“Do you want to break up with him?” Vic asked and Robert felt his stomach turn.

“Of course not, Vic, I love him!”

“Are you cheating on him?” she asked sternly and Robert flinched.

“I’m not cheating on him, I can’t see my future without him,” he replied and she smiled.

“Good, then there won’t be a problem moving in, will there?”

Robert heard her words, heard her sentiment, but couldn’t help but feel his gut churn, his mind fearful. He never doubted his relationship to Aaron, but what if …

“Out with it,” Vic said, disrupting his reverie with gentle kick to his shin with her foot. Robert’s shoulders tensed and he drew in a deep breath before speaking.

“What if he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life with me?” Admitting it out loud was more painful than he imagined but he couldn’t deny that in the back of his mind, the fear was constant; even when looking at Aaron sleeping or feeling Aaron inside him he somehow _knew_ Aaron deserved more, _knew_ that Aaron would realise it some day, and feared what would happen when he did.

“Robert,” Vic started, placing a hand on his arm as she spoke, “he loves you, he isn’t going to leave you.”

“I know it’s stupid but I don’t want him to realise he’s too good for me…”

“He’s not, you’re both good enough for each other - that’s what a relationship should be, two people who work, who make each other happy and make each other better,” she said and Robert nodded.

“I know, and he makes me a better person, but he was already so good when I met him… I can’t give him anything, Vic.”

“You give him love and happiness - don’t you think that’s enough?” she asked and Robert felt tears prickling in his eyes.

“I want it to be…” he conceded and she squeezed his arm.

“Talk to him about it yeah? If you’re thinking these things he needs to know.”

Robert nodded meekly, his mind wrung out and drained. Aaron made him so happy, but he couldn’t help doubt his ability to do the same for him.

He said goodbye to Vic and strolled homewards, hands in his pocket, heart on his sleeve. Aaron was the best thing to ever happen to him, but the part of him that always thought Aaron could do so much better than him was rearing it’s ugly head and the thought sent a jolt of panic to his heart.

  


Robert sat on the sofa in his flat, waiting for Aaron - he always had a late shift on Mondays, so Robert usually waited up for him and made him a cup of tea or got him a beer when he got in, depending on his mood. His mind was far from tea and alcohol though; his mind was nervous, his hands sweaty and he was slightly nauseated.

He had never asked someone to move in with him before. No relationship had been important or big enough for them to live together and he knew this relationship was it for him, but he had no idea how to do it.

The buzzer going off almost made him jump, and he quickly let Aaron in and waited for him by the front door. He looked tired but happy, and he immediately wrapped his arms around Robert and kissed him deeply, sighing into it. Robert reacted immediately, pulling him close and feeling that tell-tale calm that always settled over him in Aaron’s presence.

“Hi,” he said in between kisses, their noses touching as he rested his forehead against Aaron’s.

“Hiya,” Aaron replied, going in for one more soft kiss.

“Good day?” Robert asked. Aaron shrugged, his hands pressed against Robert’s back.

“Was fine, yeah… had someone complain about how long his car was taking, but I don’t think he understands the time it takes to ship the part from Germany, so it wasn’t really an issue,” Aaron said and Robert pulled him over to the couch before getting him a beer. Complaining after work usually meant a beer.

When he sat back down, Aaron leant into him, his back pressed to Robert’s chest, his head resting on Robert’s shoulder. Robert wrapped an arm around his waist and held his own beer with the other, feeling the warmth that spread from every inch of him that touched Aaron. His nerves had all but subsided because right here was the thing that calmed him the most; he was never surer of their relationship than in those moments of comfortable silence, where they could just _be_.

“How was your day?” Aaron asked after a while, his hand resting on Robert’s thigh.

“Alright, I had coffee with Vic after work,” Robert replied.

“How is she?” Aaron asked. Robert stroked his stomach, and pressed a kiss to Aaron’s temple before replying.

“She’s good, she looks great… I think she’s really happy, and we had a good chat,” Robert said before pausing - he shouldn’t have said that.

“Chat about what?” Aaron asked. Robert froze beneath Aaron, his hand stilling against Aaron’s stomach. When Robert didn’t reply, he shifted to let his eyes meet Robert’s. “You keeping secrets from me now, about what?”

Robert ran a hand over his eyes and sighed.

“This is not … I wanted to…” he paused and Aaron grinned at him.

“Come on, what is it?” Aaron asked, “did Adam say something stupid? Are they looking for a person to go to a silly cooking class instead of Adam or something, because that will definitely be you and not me…” Aaron said but stopped as he saw Robert’s nervous demeanour. “You’re worrying me now, what is it?”

“Look, Aaron, I -” he began but stopped. This needed to be done right; he set his beer down on the table, placing Aaron’s next to it, and took both Aaron’s hands in his. “I love you, Aaron… I’ve never been in a relationship like this, where I’ve been so happy with another person and I feel like because we were friends first, we know each other really well and maybe even well enough to…” he trailed off, focussing on Aaron’s cocked eyebrow and slight frown.

“I love you too, Robert but where are you going with this?” Aaron asked and Robert took a deep breath.

“Would you like to move in with me?” He said the words quickly, without hesitation and looked up to see Aaron’s shocked expression, so he continued. “We could find a new place, one that we both like and I know this might be early but we see each other almost every day and I don’t want to have another day where I don’t wake up next to you -” but his voice was stopped by Aaron kissing him, all soft lips and swiping tongue as he held Robert’s face in his hands. He pulled away to see Aaron grinning at Robert, his eyes smiling as he nodded.

“Yes, I will move in with you,” he said and Robert grinned right back before pulling him in for another kiss, scooting down on the sofa until he had Aaron lying above him, kissing him softly and gently but pressing his hips into Robert’s letting Robert know exactly where this was going.

“I love you,” he whispered in between kisses and Robert heart swelled.

“I love you too,” he whispered back, knowing that nothing he had ever said had ever been so true.

 

So they started looking; they found a suitable estate agents, they spoke to their solicitors, and they went out to open houses to find their potential home.

“What about our places?” Aaron asked one day. They were in Robert’s car, driving back from a viewing on the outskirts of town.

“What about them?” Robert asked.

“Well, if we’re finding a place together, then what do we do with our places?” Aaron clarified and Robert shrugged.

“I mean your place is rented, yeah?”

Aaron nodded.

“Well, you notify your landlord that you’ll be moving when we find somewhere, and I’ll just… sell my place, I guess. Will be good to have the extra money,” Robert said and Aaron bit his lip.

“You sure?” Aaron asked softly.

“It’s not like I’ll need it, is it?” Robert said, smiling at Aaron. He smiled back, placing a hand in Robert’s lap and stroking his thigh.

“I suppose not, no.”

Robert’s eyes stared ahead, his heart pounding in his chest. They were doing this. Aaron wanted him, wanted a life with him. Why did it feel like he was falling?

They lay in bed that night, Aaron’s legs thrown across Robert’s as he slept, his face peaceful on the pillow that had now become _his_ and Robert couldn’t sleep.

His chest felt hollow, his brain panicking, his palms sweaty.

A house. A place. Together.

He looked over at Aaron sleeping calmly, and his heart clenched. He loved him, he knew he did… but what if Aaron didn’t love him? What if he realised what a mess Robert was, that he was a complete and utter idiot?

He sighed and let his fingers trace across Aaron’s face, stroking at the skin and stubble. He tried not to wake Aaron but he was a light sleeper, and soon enough Aaron’s eyes fluttered open.

“You alright?” he mumbled and Robert smiled.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Robert whispered and Aaron nodded softly.

“Want to talk?” Aaron said, his eyes fighting to stay open.

“Go back to sleep,” Robert said, before kissing his forehead.

“Ok,” Aaron mumbled again before he shifted, placing his head on Robert’s chest. “Can I sleep here?”

Robert chuckled slightly, and nodded.

“Course you can,” he said, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s temple as he felt his breath slow to a soft rhythm. He wrapped his arms around Aaron’s sleep-warm body and held him close until his eyes felt heavy and he drifted off to sleep.

  


Vic and Adam still held the traditional Thursday night dinner, even though Vic was pregnant and bust enough as it was. Robert and Aaron had insisted several times they could just as well be at their, but. Vic’s argument was that they would serve take-out or a generic pasta dish, to which Robert and Aaron could only shrug and thereby agree. So there they were, arriving together, Robert holding the usual bottle of red.

Vic drew them both into a hug, and Aaron walked over and greeted Adam immediately.

They sat down at the table, Vic’s steak and fries laid out on the table, and as soon as Robert poured out the wine, Vic got straight to the point.

“Right, tell us everything,” Vic said as they started eating, and Aaron and Robert shared a look. Aaron quickly took a bite to eat, leaving Robert to clear his throat and talk. “How goes the househunting?”

“Slowly,” Robert replied. “I’ve spoken to an estate agents, and we’ve seen a few places over the last few weeks but nothing has really been to our liking.” He looked over at Aaron, who was nodding along and taking a sip of wine.

“So, what kind of place are you looking for?” Adam asked and Aaron shrugged.

“I don’t know, I guess we haven’t really talked about that… We’ve mostly been looking at small flats in the area, we saw one house outside of town but it was too expensive and didn’t really appeal to either of us.”

Vic cocked an eyebrow and looked at Robert.

“Aren’t you looking for somewhere… you know… bigger?” she said and she put her hand on her stomach suggestively.

“You what?” Robert asked, looking at Aaron who was equally shocked.

“I thought, seeing as the two of you are so happy together, you might want to start building a family as well…” Vic said and Adam smiled at Robert and Aaron.

“Don’t look so scared boys, I’m sure it’ll happen to you two one day!” Adam joked and Robert chuckled, hoping it didn’t sound as fake as it felt.

“One day, yeah? I think we need a chance to spend time together first,” Robert said as he took Aaron’s hands and squeezed it, making Aaron smile.

“Alright, I just wanted to ask,” Vic said, before she passed the potatoes around. Robert’s mind was stuck on the idea, imagining raising a family with Aaron and he felt that now-familiar fear rise in his chest.

The drive home was awkward; Aaron had been silent all night, he looked pensive even as they drove back to Robert’s place to spend the night. His leg was jittery, a tell-tale sign of his restlessness and Robert attempted several times to catch his eye but Aaron’s eyes remained fixed on the road ahead.

“You alright?” Robert finally asked, and Aaron bit his lip.

“Bit awkward that, wasn’t it?” Aaron said and Robert shrugged.

“What do you mean?” Robert asked.

Aaron’s hand fidgeted in his lap and he took a deep breath before speaking.

“I mean, we haven’t even talked about it… felt a bit awkward to have them talk to us about it first,” Aaron conceded. Robert reached over and squeezed Aaron’s hands before bringing it back to the steering wheel.

“I guess, but we can talk about it now, if you want,” he said and Aaron nodded.

They walked up the stairs together, hand in hand, Robert’s stomach doing flips with each step. They sat down on the sofa opposite each other, their knees touching as they stared into each other’s eyes.

“So…” Aaron began and Robert smiled.

“So,” he added, taking Aaron’s hand in his.

“I’m not ready for children,” Aaron says, eyes frightened and hands sweaty. “My dad was never there, and I’m not ready for that responsibility.”

“Me neither,” Robert added, relief flooding through his chest.

“But…” Aaron continued, fingers sliding between Robert’s as he spoke, “if there was ever someone for me to have children with, it would be you.”

Robert let out a breath at that admission, his heart thumping wildly in his chest. His brain froze and he couldn’t help but think _why_.

“I love you, Aaron… I’m not ready, but I hope I will be, one day, and we can talk about it as a possibility.” Robert stammered out, and Aaron smiled at him.

“We’ve only been together six and a bit months, I know we’re not ready now… I’m happy to find somewhere good for us, where we can build a home, and wait with thinking about room for kids until we know we want them, yeah?”

Robert nodded and took a deep breath. He didn’t even understand what was happening, what he was thinking, but happiness flooded him when Aaron wrapped his arms around him, and pressed a kiss to his head.

“I love you,” Aaron said against his skin and Robert took a deep breath, the scent of Aaron calming him down.

“I love you too,” Robert replied pulling Aaron down on top of him so they lay pressed against each other on his narrow sofa.

“Isn’t this a bit too small?” Aaron asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Not for the two of us,” Robert said, pressing a languid kiss to Aaron’s lips. Aaron responded immediately, curling his tongue around Robert’s, making him moan and press his hips down.

This was everything; the heat, the smell, the feeling of Aaron against him as they moved together, enjoying not having to rush.

“I don’t ever want to kiss anyone but you,” Robert whispered in between kisses, making Aaron smile.

“I should hope not,” he replied, pressing his erection down onto Robert’s, eliciting a hiss of pleasure.

“Let’s say we taking this to the bedroom…” Robert said, voice trailing off at the sight of Aaron’s sly smile. “What?”

“I don’t see any reason to move…” Aaron replied, his hand slipping under Robert’s trousers and pants, wrapping around him and stroking gently. Robert’s breath hitched and he arched his back into the feeling, happy to be wherever Aaron wanted him.

  


As the weeks drew on they found one flat they really liked, and they immediately put their name down as potential buyers. Aaron gave up his lease, and Robert knew he needed to call his estate agents about selling, but something made him stop whenever his finger hovered over the call button.

What if they broke up?

Knowing their relationship, and knowing himself, it would be due to him making a mistake, and he would leave. What if they both didn’t have anywhere to go, what if Robert needed a place to live… his head ran through past relationships, each one ended because he got bored or he cheated, or both, and he couldn’t see him doing that with Aaron. It was different with Aaron, he couldn’t imagine ever wanting someone else and he knew that Aaron was the love of his life.

Robert shook his head, and sat down with a cup of coffee as he stared at his phone.

Aaron wanted this, wanted him… but Robert knew this was too good, Aaron was too good for him and Robert feared the day Aaron would realise that for himself.

Instead of calling the estate agents’ he called his solicitor.

  


Robert felt his anxiety rise with the decision he had made. He didn’t want to have a last resort, he didn’t want to think of Aaron not being in his life but some days it felt inevitable that Aaron, the person who knew him best, would realise he wasn’t worth it. The fear gnawed at his insides, making him nauseated and snarky; the only thing that made him feel better was being with Aaron, a contradiction that Robert wasn’t quite ready to process.

They were moving forward, Aaron was happy, and Robert’s happiness was secondary to that…

 

Aaron had come over for dinner, and Robert was cooking up his favourite mushroom risotto in an attempt to expand Aaron’s palate. The kitchen was filled with the smell of fried mushrooms and lemon, and Robert stirred the dish diligently by the stove. Aaron stood behind him, leaning on the counter and drinking a beer instead of the suggested glass of white wine, eyeing his boyfriend.

“You know you don’t have to impress me anymore?” he asked. Robert made a shocked expression.

“I am not trying to impress you!” he said and Aaron scoffed.

“Right, you make fancy Italian food every day of the week then?”

“Yes… especially on nights when my boyfriend is over,” Robert replied and Aaron grinned as he walked over and wrapped his arms around Robert from behind. Robert felt his lips move against his skin and leaned back into the feeling, absentmindedly stirring as he did so.

“Maybe it’s working,” Aaron mumbled, breath ghosting over Robert’s skin

“I’ll make a mental note then, but for now I’m going to continue cooking. I want to see the look on your face when you taste this,” Robert added, grinning as Aaron smiled against his skin.

“I can’t wait to see the look on your face later… in bed… when I trail my lips down your back and -” Aaron began but Robert cut him off, pushing him away.

“If you keep talking like that we won’t have dinner, so please,” he protested. Aaron frowned with a glint in his eye.

“Fine…” he conceded and he took a sip of his beer before setting it down and leaving the kitchen. Robert continued stirring, making sure he made the dish just right when he heard Aaron come out of the bathroom.

“Robert, what’s this?” Aaron called out.

“What’s what?” Robert called back, keeping his eyes on the food in front of him.

“This,” Aaron said, carrying in his hand what looked like a legal document. Robert gulped and set the wooden spoon down.

“Aaron, I can explain -”

“What, how you weren’t getting rid of your flat, like we agreed?” Aaron said.

“Aaron, I -” Robert began again but Aaron cut him off, his expression furious.

“I thought we were doing this together, I thought you wanted this?” Aaron asked, his voice breaking slightly. Robert’s heart crumpled at the hurt look on his face.

“Aaron, I want this, I promise…”

“Then why are you renting your flat out? I thought we were going to do this together -” Aaron began but Robert cut him off.

“I was scared, ok?”

Aaron looked at him, stunned.

“Scared? Of what?” he said angrily and Robert curled in on himself.

“Scared of… scared of us. I don’t know why but I’m terrified of this not working Aaron, I -” Robert stopped, words not finding him in his moment of need. “I want my future to be with you, Aaron but what happens when… when you realise you don’t want your future with me?”

Aaron’s face contorted, a frown spreading across his features.

“I’ve told you I want you, I love you… that I could see myself starting a family with you. Don’t you trust me?” Aaron said, pushing Robert precisely where he knew he was weakest.

“I do,” Robert replied, his voice small.

“Then I don’t understand what’s happening Robert…” Aaron said, eyes wet and arms crossed over his chest. The lease contract lay on the table behind Aaron, and Robert wished he could explain himself in a way that didn’t make him sound like the idiot he was.

“I don’t either…” Robert conceded, “I’m worried about moving in with you, and messing up, or you finding out that you’re better off without me… I’ve always had this place to go to, to hide, and the thought of not having that terrifies me. I don’t deserve you, Aaron, and I just know that one day you’re going to realise the same.”

“I’ve only ever told you how much you mean to me… I have never given you any reason to doubt me,” Aaron said and Robert nodded in acknowledgement.

The smell of burning food made Robert move and take the ruined dish off the heat and curse.

“I love you, Robert…” Aaron said, his eyes sad, “but I can’t be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust me.”

“I do…” Robert said with a small voice.

“Then what is it?” Aaron said, and Robert wrapped his arms around his stomach, eyes falling to the floor.

“I’ve never… I’m not used to being myself, to people liking me for who I am. I’ve always had to hide, with the exception with you and Vic and Adam, and especially in relationships… I’m not used to this feeling of just being myself and that being ok, and I can’t help but worry that this will go sour when you realise what I am…” Robert let the words fall out, tumbling and crashing and making his eyes blur.

Aaron walked up to him and wrapped his arms around Robert’s waist.

“I knew you for years and years before we started seeing each other.. I loved you because I know exactly who you are and I only wanted you more with each passing second. I want you, all of you, precisely because I know you inside out,” Aaron said and Robert felt tears trickle down his cheeks as he spoke, felt his arms tighten their grip around his chest in an attempt to hold himself together.

“My dad…” Robert began, and Aaron pulled him into him chest, letting Robert rest his head on his shoulder. “I don’t know how to just… be happy and whatever I do I know it will never be enough.”

Aaron pressed a kiss to the side of his head, and held him tighter.

“I know,” Aaron said, his voice soothing, “you need to sort this Robert… you need to know that I love you and not have some part of you doubting that, telling you otherwise.”

Robert nodded against his shoulder and lifted a hand up to wipe the tears away.

“It’s easier, when you’re here… because I’m so happy when I’m with you but when I’m alone I just can’t ignore that voice in my head,” he admitted, and Aaron looked at him with sad eyes.

“You need to talk to him, Robert.”

  


Robert’s knuckles hit the door firmly, three swift knocks to the solid wood that he hoped could be heard over the sound of rain hitting the roof. Jack’s farm house was not small and had acres of land attached to it, and even though it was his childhood home it felt almost foreign to him. He stared at the green door ahead of him, breathing as steadily as his beating heart would allow, waiting for this father to open.

His mind kept going back to Aaron, his face sad and sunken as they had talked and he had told Robert he needed to sort his insecurities out, that they were unfounded, and that they only hurt him. Robert remembered all the soothing words, the hugs and kisses and Aaron stroking his hair and he let out a shaky breath; he knew he needed to do this, but the green door loomed over him, making him feel like a child again - he hated it. It needed to be done, he needed to try and fix whatever it was that made him dread his childhood home, dread his father, dread any sort of relationship with anyone.

Jack opened the door, grunting in greeting as Robert stepped inside, his Barbour coat dripping water onto the floor. Always the farmer’s son, he thought to himself as he took it off and hung it on the familiar pegs next to the door.

“Your Mum’s out to dinner with Vic -” Jack began but Robert interrupted him.

“I know, I’m here to see you…” he said and Jack nodded.

“Want a cuppa?”

Robert nodded as he sat down and felt his hands shaking, clenching his fists in an attempt to quell the trembling but he knew it wouldn’t really help.

“Milk?” Jack asked, and it almost broke Robert’s heart that his father still didn’t know how he took his tea.

“Yes,” he replied, his voice small, “just a bit thanks.”

Jack set the two mugs down carefully on the table and sat down next to Robert, fidgeting with his hands on the table. They sat for a while in awkward silence, neither of them speaking nor taking a sip of the too-hot tea and Robert tried to sort out his feelings.

“Aaron and I -” Robert began, pausing to make sure he chose the right words, “we have decided to move in together.”

Jack nodded, before taking a sip of tea and wincing.

“I hope you’ll both be happy,” he said, his voice distant.

“Do you?” Robert asked, making his father pause and set his mug down on the table.

“I do,” Jack replied after some thought, “you’re my son and I want to see you happy.”

Robert ran a hand over his eyes and took a deep breath.

“I know this isn’t something we have ever talked about, but I have a hard time believing you when you beat me for kissing a boy at 15. I can’t understand you being so accepting of me and Aaron when you have been distant and judging for most of my life, and I definitely don’t understand why your relationship to me seems to have changed when I started seeing Aaron!” Without intending to, his voice had risen during his outburst and he looked over at his father, who sat staring at his hands on the table. “I have tried so hard my whole life but everything I’ve done has made you dislike me more, until I find a good relationship and I can’t stop thinking I don’t deserve it…”

Jack didn’t meet his eye, didn’t move, didn’t speak and Robert felt his anger rise.

“You know what,” he said, getting up and going towards the door, “I wanted to talk to you, to try and fix this before I ruin my relationship and you won’t even talk to me, so I think I’ll just -”

“Wait,” Jack said just as Robert placed a hand on his jacket. Robert turned around and moved his hand down to his side, fist clenching. He waited, wanting another word out of his father before he would sit down again. Jack didn’t turn, he just sat in his chair staring at his hands, just as he had before.

He cleared his throat before speaking.

“I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did when I caught you with that farm-hand… I can’t even remember his name, but the way I was raised, men didn’t do that with other men. I saw red and I hit you and I couldn’t look at you for weeks, not because I thought you had done something wrong, but because I knew I had…”

Robert took a deep breath and sat down next to his father.

“I always wanted to raise my son, be there from the beginning,” he continued, wrapping his hands around his mug as he spoke, “I had this image of my son being just like me, and even as a child I realised that you are so different from me. I didn’t know how to talk to you, so I didn’t...” Jack trailed off, shaking his head slightly as he did so.

“So you spent years hating me?” Robert asked, filling the void of Jack’s thoughts with his voice, thick and heavy with emotion.

“I didn’t hate you, lad… but you became a person I didn’t recognise; you were manipulative, impulsive, you cheated and hurt other people without showing remorse and I didn’t understand why, I thought maybe it was because of me. I pushed you away instead of talking to you, trying to understand you, and I think I’ve only now realised how much it has affected you.”

Robert swallowed hard, wiping away the wetness that gathered in the crook of his eye. His father wouldn’t want him to cry.

“I’ve seen you with Aaron, you’re so different… so kind and happy, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you,” Jack admitted, and when their eyes met Robert noticed that they were wet and red, almost like he was crying too.

“He makes me happy,” Robert said quietly, and Jack nodded.

“I know, and he makes you a better person,” Jack added. Robert sniffed, trying to contain all the thoughts that were going through his head.

“I’ve tried to be the person you wanted me to be most of my life… but with Aaron I can just be myself, and I’m finally happy.”

Jack smiled at him, a smile full of sorrow and regret.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like the two things weren’t the exact same thing, son.” Robert bit his lip to stop it from quivering before he spoke again.

“I don’t want to mess up because I’m not used to anyone loving me… ”

Robert’s shoulders started shaking and Jack sat next to him in silence before putting his hand on Robert’s arm and smiling at him.

“The only thing I want is for my son to be happy, and… I love you” Jack stopped, wiping his cheeks before continuing, “I hope you can forgive me, son.”

 

Robert went to Aaron’s that night; he needed someone to wrap his arms around him, make him feel whole instead of this broken mess he always had been, so he knocked on the door at 11 pm. and waited in the rain for it to open.

“Robert?” Aaron said, his voice hoarse as he looked at him with tired eyes.

“Can I come in?” Robert asked and Aaron pushed the door wide open. Robert took of his jacket and hung it in its usual spot before Aaron took his hand and guided him to the sofa.

“Alright?” Aaron asked and Robert’s chin quivered as he shook his head.

Aaron wrapped his arms around him as Robert calmed down, his hand clinging to Aaron’s upper arm as his head rested on Aaron’s shoulder.

“I love you,” Robert whispered.

“I love you,” Aaron replied and Robert lifted his head to dry his eyes on his sleeve.

“Can I stay here tonight?” Robert asked and Aaron smiled at him, that sweet, loving smile that Robert knew was reserved for him.

“You can always stay here…”

  


Robert called his estate agents’ the next day, and after a long conversation with Aaron, he also called a counsellor.

  


The warmth of a good meal was settling over the table as the evening drew to an end. Robert and Aaron were at dinner at Vic and Adam’s, wine in hand of those who drank it. Aaron was on his third serving of curry, and Robert looked on horrified as he piled food into his mouth; as their eyes met however, Robert couldn’t help smiling and letting his hand stroke the skin on Aaron’s neck.

It had helped to talking to Jack but Robert still felt that twinge of doubt now and then - Aaron was almost getting too good at noticing, placing his arm around him when he could tell Robert just couldn’t make himself smile.

Robert waited until Aaron had stopped eating before he cleared his throat to speak.

“So,” Robert said, catching the attention of the table, “we heard back from the estate agents’, and we got the flat!”

Aaron smiled as Vic and Adam cheered, their glasses meeting in a soft clink as they celebrated.

“Great news, man!” Adam said and Aaron shrugged.

“How could you wait to tell us?” Vic said, hitting her brother on the shoulder. Robert grinned at her and took a sip of wine. “You’ve known for how long?”

“A few days, but we wanted to tell you together,” Aaron said and took Robert’s hand in his. It was such a simple gesture but Robert felt the full meaning of it and gave Aaron’s hand a small squeeze.

“When do you move in?” Vic asked, sipping water from a wine glass because she insisted on being as fancy as the rest of them.

“In two months, so I have time to try and get my flat sold before then… and then we can be at ours for a Thursday evening meal for a while.” Robert indicated at her stomach and Adam laughed.

“Sounds good with me,” Vic said as she leaned back in her chair and placed a hand on her stomach. “In a few months this little one will be taking all our time.”

“Robert can make that risotto he burned the other week,” Aaron joked and Robert poked him in the side.

“Not sure I want to try that though,” Vic said. Adam laughed and scrunched his nose. “Well, we might have some news of our own,” Vic continued.

Robert gave her a look and she grinned before looking at Adam, who smiled.

“We’re having a girl,” she said, her hand stroking her stomach as Adam placed his hand on top and smiled.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! I hope you enjoyed it :)  
> Thank you to my wonderful beta, beautifulhigh on tumblr, and any kudos or comments would be appreciated! I'm escapingreality51 on tumblr :)


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